Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Running Out of Ideas

So, I've kept a steady running schedule for over a week now, which is a new record for me here at school. I suppose that I owe much of that to my brother-in-law Stephen, who has made sure that I keep on track (hahahaha, puns).

Running makes me really hungry. Not that I'm not always hungry. I eat a lot of cereal. The thing with cereal is it isn't filling at all. I eat a bowl and feel exactly the same as I did. It is a futile struggle. I know what you are thinking, "Zak, buddy, there are other foods!" (at least that's what I think you would be thinking, because we are friends and all. ) I am perfectly aware of my options. There are two problems. Most of them require to much preparation to be worth it, and I really just crave cereal. I am cursed to a perpetual state of not full enough to be comfortable.

Today was Memorial Day, and I did a lot of thinking about my Grandparents that have passed on. They did so much for me. They raised my favorite parents. My Grandpa Dahl was a Korean War Vet. They were all stellar example and great people. Seriously though guys, They were legit. I miss them all the time, but I know that they're waiting for me on the other side.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


You know what kills me? Recipes that put as their last step, “Enjoy!” I mean, it is the perfect scheme. Nobody can say “I tried your recipe. I hated it.” because then they can just say “Well you didn't follow all the steps.” “Yes I did, I followed them to the letter.” “Well then you would have enjoyed it!”

I have a recipe for you all, and I guarantee that if you follow ALL the steps, you’ll enjoy it.

1 cup dirt

3tbsp Cod liver oil

3 cups dogfood

5 cups flour

1 cow stomach, whole.

1. Mix the first 4 ingredients and cover the stomach in it.

2. Fill the stomach with the rest of the mixture.

3. Marinate in the toilet for 2 weeks.

4. Deep fry

5. Soak in toilet for 30 minutes

6. Bury in the ground for 7 days.

8. Dig up and serve.

9. Enjoy!

*makes enough for 4

Friday, May 20, 2011

Today I was walking around campus and I saw a couple holding hands. Sweet right? What a wonderful outward expression of the closeness of two people. Except for not really. Though this couple was holding hands, they could scarcely have been farther apart. Had they moved a few inches farther apart, their arms would have been horizontal.

It saddens me to say that this may be my last Blog post ever. The rapture is supposedly tomorrow, which is convenient. I have a lot to do this weekend, and if I get taken then I won't have to go through the hassle. The guy is pretty convinced his calculations are correct. I read a story about a animal shelter offering to take in the pets of raptured individuals. That is silly though, because the cats won't even notice that they're gone, and everyone knows all dogs go to heaven.

I am disappointed that I will not be able to watch the next Batman movie because of this though. I was all for 2012 and going out with a bang, but I guess that this is what I have to deal with. That being said I guess I better figure out something cool to do tonight, maybe watch The Dark Knight.

If this really is it, readers, I thank you for your support and love, and I'll catch you later.