Wednesday, June 15, 2011

This Post is Magical

Now that I know that my blog is visited by literally tens of people, some may say that I should up my game, produce material of quality, and make my followers happy. Instead, here is a post about Harry Potter.

JK Rowling is a genius. I mean really. She wrote a book about wizards. Wizards who practice magic. It is the magic part that blows me away. I mean, it is SO easy! Oh no! Harry is in danger! How will he escape this time? MAGIC! I mean, it isn't even an original concept. Parents have been using this to explain things they don't understand for years. "How does the TV work?" "Uh... Magic!" JK Rowling just took it to the next level.

I say this because just this week we watched the 7th Harry Potter movie. I had one problem with that. There is a scene in that movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron all infiltrate the Ministry of Magic to find one of the Horcruxes. They do it by drinking a polyjuice potion, which allows them to temporarily transform into anyone whose hair they happen to have, so they abduct several ministry officials and enter the Ministry. Now, the Ministry is essentially the Pentagon of the magic world, yet they slip in unnoticed and just walk into several very important people's offices. Now, keep in mind that these are the good characters. They were able to break into one of the most important establishments in the "magical world" using a potion that Hermione has been making since she was 12 years old. What? I can't even begin to think of the implications of that. Apparently everyone in the wizarding community goes by the honor code when it comes to important government buildings because even with all the magic of the Harry Potter Universe, they have NO security measures.You'd think that being able to do ANYTHING using the deus ex machina of magic, Rowling could have added something to protect the government. I mean you get into the place by flushing yourself down the toilet. They better hope no unsuspecting person accidentally flushes himself down and finds himself in the middle of the ministry quite literally with his pants down.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

What do you think?

I think it is funny when teachers phrase their test questions in such a way that they are asking for your opinion. The first time I came across one of these questions, I was almost giddy with joy. There was no way I could get this wrong! No one can tell me what I think! Apparently I was wrong. Apparently people can and do tell you what you think, because I got that question wrong.

Do not ask me "What are your thoughts on the evolution of the Roman Empire throughout it's history?" and expect an answer other than "Well, I think it's funny they all wore togas." Technically that isn't even wrong, because you asked me what I thought.

Apparently teachers believe that they know what I am thinking better than me. They tell me, "No, your thoughts are that 'The evolution of Rome is symbolic of all empires and shows us that even in the most sophisticated of cultures have a barbaric side, and all dynasties eventually meet an end.'" Ah! See, because I thought that I was thinking that other stuff. It is nice of you to get in my head and show me what really is going on up there! Apparently, I am incredibly smart. If I could learn to tap into my own brain, I would be unstoppable!

I guess what I am really trying to say is that teachers need to be more specific about what they're looking for when they write questions.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


They say that creativity is dead, but I disagree. While it may be true that we are running out of new and original ideas for TV, there is still a lot of creativity going on. Case and point: right now I am watching a show about pigs. An entire show about wild hogs. And the mind blowing thing is, it has my attention. That takes some mad creativity. I mean whenever I hear the premise of some of these shows I scoff at them, but then they come on and I'll be darned if they aren't entertaining. I mean there are multiple shows out there about Pawn shops. TV shows about people doing their jobs. Fishing, repo, driving trucks. TLC has based their programming block around midgets doing everything imaginable. They all sound so ridiculous and boring, but somehow, through the miracle of man's ingenuity, they make these things intense. That in itself is worthy of some sort of praise. I, for one, am excited to see in the future, a tense reality show about the drama of working fast food.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Job Hunting!

Looking for jobs is the worst. I think with the economy the way it is, employers are just messing with us to see how much we’ll do for a job that pays minimum wage. I mean really. Applications nowadays are more like the ACT. They take 3 hours each to fill out. They ask the most retarded questions too. They make it impossible for you to be honest and still get the job. I know because I was honest, and I never got the jobs.

They ask questions like, “If you are hired will you make the company your number one priority?” Absolutely. I will most definitely put food, shelter, and love in the backseat to make sure that the company is happy. I mean, for $7.50 an hour? Who needs a family? “Will you do anything in your personal life that might be embarrassing to the company?” That depends. I ribbon dance in spandex, would the company be embarrassed by that? “Would you describe yourself as the happiest person you know?” Holy crap yes. I have sunshine shining out places where the sun doesn’t usually shine. Do I have the job yet?

When they aren’t making you feel that you aren’t qualified to work a part time retail job, they are asking questions that insult your intelligence. “You are working and you see a vial of deadly poison is leaking on to the salads. Do you A) Ignore it? B)Notify the manager and throw it away? C) Eat it all yourself? D) Try and brush the poison off the salad?” Hmm… I wonder which one I should do? “

And then there is the best question of all, “What do you think your weaknesses are?” Hmmm, potential employer, let me just spill all of my personal problems out to you. That will help me get employed, right? Well, I am self conscious, diabetic, irresponsible, and unorganized. I have daddy issues and sometimes I bite my nails. I’m also not very good at math! I figured out a way to answer that question honestly without completely shutting down my chances with the company. When they ask what my weaknesses are, I tell them, “Well, I don’t understand quantum physics very well. When people speak to me in Japanese I generally don’t understand what they are saying. Also, I am extremely vulnerable to knife and gun attacks, seeing as I am made of flesh. I also guess that I am weak because I would not be willing to kill someone to further my own selfish ambitions, and movie villains really seem to think that is a weakness.”

I am applying for a job at JC Penny, not the Pentagon.