Sunday, February 10, 2013

Whoever put a "b" in subtle was a mastermind.

Hey peeps! I haven't posted since the first of the year and that is terrible. For me anyway, I don't even think anyone really reads this anymore. If they do, Hey! what's up. So why did I decide after months of silence, to blow the dust of the old bloggeroo and write something up? Because something annoys me on the internet and gosh dang it, something needs to be said! Ok, maybe not, but it's getting said anyway.

I was doing my homework, so naturally I was browsing my Facebook, and these pictures kept coming up. You know the ones. The ones with the black frames and white captions. These used to be called Motivational Posters, then Demotivational posters. Now there is no term for them because there is nothing remotely motivational or demotivational about them . Most of the time it's a weird picture with a funny caption, but recently I noticed a trend in these image macros. A trend that infuriates me. Wait, why did everyone already stop reading?

Let me illustrate with a couple examples:

What are these? Do the "creators" of these images really think we are to stupid to get the concept of the picture? Obviously that teddy bear is defending the child. That is what is happening in the picture. I can see that, you can see that, and everyone else on this planet can see that. It is a pretty cool picture. The funny thing is it exists out of the "black frame and caption" context.

Who looked at this and thought, "What in the heck is happening here? I'm totally lost. I wish someone would explain this to me." I'll tell you who. NOBODY. But then somebody actually took the time to take this artist's drawing, slap a black frame on it and proceed to dumb down the meaning of the picture into one sentence, and "explain" it to us. Also monsters-under-the-bed? Why is that even hyphenated?

Lets look at the other one. Obviously the original image is intended to be a joke. 

Looking at this picture, one might think something similar to, "Well, of course he found Waldo. He's Batman. Nobody can hide from Batman." Because HEY LOOK THAT IS THE ONLY THING THIS PICTURE IS ABOUT. Someone took some precious time out of their day to put the black frame around this picture and once again "explain" to us what no one with a cursory knowledge of pop culture could ever miss! 

Subtlety is dead on the internet. I mourn its passing. 

Friday, January 4, 2013


Well, I drove a lot today and now I'm tired. Remind me tomorrow to write about rest stops and road trips.

I am really sorry that this post is so lame.

On the morrow I embark on a journey. A journey that will take me across many strange and unknown lands,  lands such as Wyoming and western Missouri. Why must I go you ask? For I seek the greatest treasure in the land, the treasure of knowledge. Do not try to dissuade me from my path, for it is one I must take if I am to obtain that most precious of fancy papers, a college degree. 

I seriously am having way to much fun here in Illinois. My friends are hilarious. My family is not only hilarious, but they are also probably the most excellent family I have ever seen. Rexburg, you better be cookin' up something pretty ridikulus for when I get there. I thrive on fun. You must provide it to me. 

Thought of the night: Teach a man to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime, but you might also wanna get him some recipes too because I feel like eating the same fish day in and day out would just get really old, you know? 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Half n' Half

Woah, I am blogging again. This is weird. Some might even say that it is too much. Well, forget you some! I am gonna do what I want. 

I'm gonna tell you something. I am having a hard time coming up with something to write. Those of you who know me may be thinking "I have never known Zak to run out of things to say. Seriously though, He never shuts up." Those of you who don't know me are wondering how your Google search brought you here of all places on the internet. Either way I apologize. Living this far away from where I go to school is stressful. I don't know why I do it. Having half my friends and family on one side of the country and half on the other frankly kinda sucks. Every 6 months or so I have to say goodbye to all these people, find a new job, and worst of all PACK. It really is terrible. I guess what I am trying to say is that we should all move to a more centralized location. MOVE FOR ME. Thanks. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


 I kinda wanna see how often I can write on my blog this year. That might mean that I'll need to add some structure as to what I post, so loyal fan base, stay tuned for that.

I'll leave you tonight with a small thought. I think that if I had to pick one object to describe our culture today, it would be a strategy guide. As a nation in the past decade or so we have all become obsessed with video games. We also are apparently too lazy to figure any of that junk out by ourselves. It's pretty generous to call it a "strategy guide" too. Strategy implies that some thinking is required. There really is only one strategy these things guide you to: Cheat. The next time you get caught cheating try telling your teacher "No, this isn't a cheat sheet, it is my test strategy guide!" Here's a scenario I could see happening: "Mr President, what is your strategy for dealing with China?" "Where is my strategy guide." "Right here sir" "What is this? Where is the detailed, step-by-step instructions on what to do? All that I see in this book are tips and suggestions and information about Chinese culture! Worthless!"

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 31, 2012

An Ode to A Bygone Apocalypse

 Well, 2012 is drawing to a close, and neither Facebook nor Twitter seemed to allow me an appropriate amount of space to express everything I want to about this year, so I have blown some of the dust off of my poor blog and started to type, (which, being the sharp bunch you are, have probably already noticed.)

 We have all had good times this year. We have also had some pretty lame times. But as we all gather together to send off the big 2-0-1-2 there is one thing that we can all say: SUCK IT MAYANS! HAHAHA! Seriously though, it is nice that we didn't all die. That would have put a real damper on the New Year festivities.

As far as years go, for me anyway, 2012 was not the worst. I have had some real fun and met some awesome people. I would like to wish all of those who made this year as awesome as it was my sincere gratitude.Thanks guys, you really are awesome. I would like to especially thank the small percentage of those people who are taking the time to read this. You really are a rare breed.

If next year is full of as many great people as this one was, it is gonna be a really good one. Undoubtedly, this year will not all be one big party, but I don't have to accept that yet. Until the time comes where I am forced to accept that the year will have to be made up of many, many little parties, I wish you the happiest 2013 the universe can offer and I will catch you all on the flip side (and yes, I am aware that it is gonna be 2013, not 1991. I can use whatever phrases I want, thank  you.)

Saturday, May 5, 2012


I have a problem, dear readers. I know what you are thinking, but before you unleash your chorus of "Well DUH." Hear me out. This is a problem I've had for a while. When people compliment me on my amazing good looks, I don't know whether I should say "Thank you" or "You're welcome"! You see what I'm saying?

Ok, I'm sorry. That was mean. What's that though? How have I been? That is what you are thinking right? It is either that or "This guy should really stop trying to read our minds, he sucks at it." I'm gonna assume the former, because we are, like best friends! I have been well. Just living the dream. The dream where I'm going to school and whatnot. Thankfully not the one where I go to school in just my underwear, though. I kinda wish I was living the dream where I was able to run super fast, but unfortunately that is not the one. 
It's a good dream

I do have to apologize for my absence, I know you have missed me. Ok, now I'm sure you're thinking that I suck at mind reading, and frankly it isn't appreciated. Anyway, I am sorry. I feel like I say that every blog post. I need to stop that.

So yesterday was international post "May the 4th be with you!" on your Facebook wall day. That was fun wasn't it? A fun day to watch the Avengers! To be fair Sam Jackson was in it. How awesome would it have been if, along with the eyepatch, Nick fury had two hook hands? Then we could argue over whether or not he was Mace Windu in disguise. 

Who is he really?

I know you are thinking that this is the nerdiest thing you have ever heard, but I can assure you that that is not the nerdiest thing I have ever said. Not even close. 

It isn't even the nerdiest thing I have shoddily conceptualized on Photoshop.

I am way stoked for this summer though. Why? In 3 words: DARK KNIGHT RISES. In several words: That movie is going to be the cinematic experience of a lifetime and I am losing my mind watching the trailers.  And in other news my first nephew is due around the same time. How awesome would it be if he was born on Batman day!? Steph, make it happen. For me.