Where is Tall Man?

I was thinking today, which I am sure many people wish I would stop doing, and I realized that children’s songs have some of the most retarded lyrics of all time. Either that, or there is some deep hidden meaning…

Take, for example, Where is Thumbkin? Many people get distracted by the fact that you get to stick up your middle finger in that song, but when one examines the lyrics, one has to wonder what they are all about. It starts with a call to Thumbkin, a call which is answered by not one, but two individuals. They nervously exchange pleasantries, and then both flee. Now what is going on here? Maybe it is a case of mistaken identity, or perhaps coincidence. But no, as the song progresses it is obvious that there is something amiss because exactly two answer every call, and then almost immediately run away. Why are they so frightened? It seems to me that there is a conspiracy here. Perhaps robot imposters trying to take over?

Another one is the song Did you ever see a Lassie? Now this seems like a frivolous song at first glance. Did I ever see a lassie go this way and that? Yes. I have. Is she lost? To me the writer of the song was distressed by the flakiness he observed in some women. They seemed to go this way and that way, changing their minds in the blink of an eye.

Or maybe I am just thinking too hard.

Nobody Likes You When You're 23

So it is almost the anniversary of my first day on the planet earth. Today we had a double party celebrating the graduation of my sister from college and my birthday. Behold the cake:

Not knowing how to spell congratulations, the girl apparently just slapped that plastic thing on the cake. Then, not knowing how to spell birthday, she oozed out the word “Brithday” followed by my sister’s name and mine. I was not there when the cake was made, and I don’t think that I have ever done anything to offend the girl who decorated it, so I have no idea why she felt that I didn’t deserve her well wishes. All I get is a statement. A misspelled statement of fact. No “Happy Brithday Zak!” Just “Brithday” on a cake that appears to be decorated for a 7 year old girl. Good thing it was so delicious.

In Spirit

I apologize to the 2 or so people that actually read what I post for the long absence. It was finals week and I was busy. Now I am back and have a week long break! woohoo!

You know what I think is hilarious? When people tell you that they will be somewhere “in spirit.” I wish that was actually how life worked. “I don’t have enough money to physically go see that movie, good thing I have the ability to project my soul anywhere I want.” That should be a superhero’s superpower. That way he can say, “I will be there in spirit!” and actually mean it. That could even be his catchphrase.

April Fool

I don’t know what happened today, but everyone on my facebook was either engaged or pregnant. My friend got laid off from his job… It seems all these life changing events were all happening on the same day. I wonder what it is about the beginning of April that makes people make such rash decisions. I guess it will have to remain a mystery.

APRIL FOOLS! Anyway, I am so happy that April is here. April is my favorite month. Possibly because my birthday falls in it. I don’t know. But I love it so. To bad it has to start with such deceit.

Well, I am having a hard time thinking of things to write, so I will post a random rant. A while ago I saw this movie. It was amazing the things I had heard about this movie. Supposedly it was so good it would change my life, or something. I watched it, eager to partake in it’s quality, and was thoroughly disappointed. Not only was it not life changing, I thought it was one of the stupidest movies I had ever seen. Yes, I am talking about Scott Pilgrim.

Now I realize that this may lose me some followers, but holy cow was this movie dumb. I asked all my friends why they thought it was so great and all they could say was, “You didn’t get the references? There were like crazy tons of video game references.” I did get the references. I was not impressed. The REAL video game references were few, and the butt-ton of generic references weren’t that clever. At first I thought I was just stupid and was missing all the references, but then I remembered that I was a HUGE nerd, and there is no way that my friends got references I didn’t. Here is the thing, references are fun, but you can’t make a movie that is totally crappy references. The plot was retarded and made no sense, and the characters were all enormous tools.

If someone would please explain to me why this movie was worth my time, I would appreciate it. I really want to know what it is I am missing that everyone around me apparently is seeing that is so great. I need enlightenment. Please enlighten me.

CLICK THIS

I've eaten ice cream and apple pie...

Welcome to another edition of Wilford Wednesday. Try to contain your excitement. First off the weird photoshop:

Brimley fact: Wilford Brimley was born as Allen Wilford Brimley.

My grandparents once sat in front of Wilford on a plane, and said that he was surprisingly pleasant and cheerful, but don’t mess with him or he will slam a basketball into your face like he did to those ruffian teenagers in Cocoon 2. I may have added the part about Cocoon 2.

A side note, if you haven’t seen either Cocoons, I would recommend them. they are excellent.

Hakuna Matata

So, I am sitting here listening to Disney Music. It is crazy how much I love this stuff. I mean really. I don’t know if it is healthy for a grown man to enjoy these songs so much, and you know what? I don’t care! I really can’t think of anything that brings about such intense nostalgic feelings. It may be even less healthy that I know just about all the words to EVERY SONG. I kinda feel like it would be worth it to have kids just to have an excuse for there to be Disney songs playing constantly in my car. (obviously I will not have kids just to have an excuse to play Disney.(Is that obvious? I just realized that I might seem that crazy to people. (I’m not that crazy.)))

So I have a question. You know those frosted mini wheats? Delicious right? That wasn’t the question. The question is why on earth can they not figure out how to evenly cover EVERY piece with frosting? I mean I probably wouldn’t be so bothered by this if less than 50% of them were not completely frosting-less. But when I eat them it seems that every other one is completely bland, and that is a serious problem to me. I mean, we can put a man on the moon, but we can’t correctly frost cereal? C’mon folks.

In conclusion, I am an enormous child.