I know you've all been waiting with bated breath to get my opinion on, what I think, is one of the greatest atrocities I've ever heard of in my life.
This. This is the thing.
Well, I spent a good long time writing a letter to Michael Bay, and here's a draft:
Dear Mr. Bay,
Contrary to popular opinion I don't hate all the movies you've done. I am, in fact, a big fan of explosions. However, I am afraid that you seem to be a bit confused. You've recently stated your plans to reboot the TMNT, which, I must admit, is a subject near and dear to my heart.
Forever.
Now, I don't mean to embarrass you, but you have apparently not done enough research in the writing of your movie. Actually, you must not have done any research at all. If you had, you would have discovered that TMNT is actually short for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and not, as you believe, Teenage Alien Ninja Aliens, AND IF YOU MAKE IT THAT WAY I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND I WILL CUT YOU! SO HELP ME, I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!... excuse me I lost my composure for a minute. Mr. Bay, I don't know what my inner child ever did to offend you, but I deeply and sincerely apologize. Please leave my childhood alone. Please. If you do this I WILL BURY YOU ALIVE IN A COFFIN FILLED WITH THE BITTER TEARS OF ALL THE CHILDREN YOU HAVE SO CARELESSLY HURT. I urge you to reconsider.
Professionally yours,
Zak Ison
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