Monday, December 12, 2011

Day 12

You all knew it was coming.

You have to watch the video I posted. Even if you know the song, watch this video, please. It is HILARIOUS. Before we start, I have a simple request. Please, do not tell me about the book or the movie and how good they are. I don’t care about that. This list is about songs, and that is what I am judging here. I don’t want to hear about the whole “Christmas Shoes universe” and how they have tried to redeem this terrible, terrible song. Thank you.

Now, SO many people love this song. They are always so touched by it. I cannot for the life of me see why. It is terrible that this little kids mom is dying, and it is sweet that the boy wants to do something nice for her before she goes, but this song is just loaded with selfishness, irresponsibility and all around jerk-headedness. The song starts and this guy has a bad attitude at Christmastime. Boohoo. So he is standing there, and he sees this kid trying to buy shoes. He paints him out to be all dirty and poor, as if his story isn’t pitiful enough. He is buying shoes for his mother, who is dying. Now, this kid has a father, but he is nowhere to be seen. Where is his adult supervision? This kid is just running around town BY HIMSELF. Now this kid, who really should be at the hospital, is buying shoes with a jar of pennies, even though there is a good chance his mom might die AT ANY SECOND. “Daddy says there’s not much time.” He tells the cashier. After counting pennies “for what seemed like hours” it is discovered that he is short (According to the video, about 30 dollars short. Why were they counting pennies?). The cashier, who is apparently the most heartless person in the universe, tells the boy he doesn’t have enough. The kid turns around and practically begs this man to help, telling him that the dying woman is practically a saint.

Then comes the climax of the song. “AND SO I LAID THE MONEY DOWN! I JUST HAD TO HELP HIM OUT! I’LL NEVER FORGET THE LOOK ON HIS FACE AS HE SAID ‘MOMMA’S GONNA LOOK SO GREAT!’” This man is so proud of himself for paying the difference so a kid could buy his dying mom a pair of shoes. Good job buddy! People without souls would have done that! I bet Hitler would have done that! No scratch that, Hitler probably would have paid the difference, then made sure that the kid made it back to the hospital safely and quickly (especially considering the kid’s blonde hair and blue eyes in the video). This guy just lets the kid run off into the night. This guy is WORSE THAN HITLER. But he is still proud of himself. Then the kicker. “I knew that God had sent that little boy to teach me what Christmas is all about.” Nice. God separated that little boy from his dying mother during her last few moments of life to make sure you didn’t have a crappy attitude on Christmas. What an uplifting song.

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